“I’m still nursing,” she said. “Oh! Me too,” I said.
Lie number 1.
“Since I’ve quit work and began staying home full-time, I have been able to get into a groove and keep a schedule with my little man. I’m really enjoying life again,” she said. “I totally know what you mean,” I say.
Lie number 2.
And on and on it goes. A play date with a new acquaintance, filled with little fibs that make up a big story of a life that I am not living. You see, I am not nursing. In fact I haven’t nursed my almost 8 month old post colic, lactose intolerant, acid refluxing, crawling everywhere, baby boy in nearly 4 months.
And groove? Schedule? What are those? I made one of those not too long ago… a schedule. Actually it was like a week ago. Complete with lessons, crafts and carefully planned play times. Even bragged to a friend about it. Said it was really good and I was really excited.
Lie number 3.
It’s not good and I’m not excited about getting covered in glue and glitter while my almost 3 year old pushes his baby brother over and laughs. Or when said baby brother splashes in the toilet… all while I’m gluing cotton balls onto a piece of construction paper, saying “Isn’t this fun?!”
Lie number 4.
Truth is: It’s not fun right now.
“We’re starting our little guy in a part-time preschool this fall. Is your oldest enrolled in any type of preschool?” she asked. “Yea, actually we’ve been thinking about it and talking about it. I really need to look into some.” I say.
Lie number 5.
We are not considering a part-time pre-school for our “energetic” almost 3 year old whom today, proved that you may skip the terrible twos but you probably won’t escape the thrashing threes! Come to think of it, maybe we should consider that pre-school thing after all.
And on and on it goes. The lies I tell to others and maybe even to myself. Trying to make sense of motherhood in a new city with new people. Trying to justify the decisions I’ve made and the mess-ups that will continue to happen. Trying to find balance between accepting my days and improving them. Trying to surrender daily to Jesus— the ultimate truth teller while ignoring the father of all lies. Some days I am better at that then others, obviously.
“How was your day?” he will ask when he gets home from work. “Good,” I will say. “”Hard but Good.”
And that may be the only truth I tell all day.
Blooming And Becoming 